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We all have a past. Thanks to Jesus, our past does not define us. It is just our past. In Christ, we have a present and a future. We may bear the scars of both victory and defeat in battle, but they are just that, scars. Our scars are a part of us, some hidden and some unavoidably visible, but they can only shape us when we give them the authority to do so. God’s forgiveness is both real and complete. Paul understood the emotional pain of regret. He knew the physical pain of being beaten. His scars went deep. It’s at this point that many would argue that he deserves the right to have a breakdown, to give in to anxiety or depression. Oh, woe is Paul! That is not, however, how Paul saw it. To live was to live for Christ and be an encouragement to others. To die was to be present in heaven with Christ forever. Paul knew that life in Christ is a restored life. Scars are not the remnants of old wounds. They are the signs of God’s healing. They are not permission to dwell in and bemoan your difficulties or past pain. They are reminders that God has already brought you through much and he will continue to strengthen and heal you. Your scars are His glory on display for the benefit of others. We don’t seek after them, but in Christ we bear them well.

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Probably, the most difficult part of being a parent is leading your family to follow God, when the life you choose stands in stark contrast to the way everyone else around you lives. We sure experienced that with small town living and small school sports. There were days that it really hurt me deeply because I knew in the immediate, here and now, you son would have to bear the burden of my choices.

We survived, but sometimes that was about all. Your mom and I wanted to make an investment in your lives that would last. We didn’t want you to live at a crazy pace or become so sold out to sports that it became the most important thing in your life. The problem always was, it was all or nothing.

That is still what the world will bark at you. We just can’t live that way. So, think in these terms. Why do we have to let the world around us set the trend? Why can’t we invite others into transformed thinking and worship-first living? Just imagine what your life, and your children’s lives, could be like if you created a fellowship of friends that redefined normal. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What could that mean for future generations? It’s up to you!

That’s the way I felt about journaling for so much of my life. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t good at it or consistent enough to be of any value to me. Thanks to the encouragement of John Eldredge and the work of the Holy Spirit, that shifted a couple of years ago. I am grateful for the sporadic entries in my journal along the way because they are like trail markers for me. They stand as a memorial to God’s love and grace in my life.

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Journaling is a great way for you to set up these kinds of markers for your life as well. You never know when you might need a word of encouragement from your own hand to remind you that God has been, is, and always will be with you.

In addition, you never know when God might need you to share your journey with others as well. If you don’t make a record of some sort, many of your fondest experiences will be lost to memory, and in time that too, will fade.

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Adam and Eve had the amazing privilege of having God come down and visit with them, and they walked in the garden together. What we think of most when we talk about this verse is the fact that, because of the serpent and sin, all hell was about to break loose… literally!

That’s unfortunate because this part of the verse is actually a reminder that this is the way God wants to walk with us even now. Through Jesus, our close fellowship with God finds restoration. Shame doesn’t have to characterize the way we believe God views us. We have been redeemed. When a coupon is sitting on your table at home, it is basically worthless, but when it is redeemed its value is restored. That’s what Jesus did for us!

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November 29, 2018 – We had a great weekend at church. God is up to something significant. For me personally, I plan to weed out the distractions and spend more time with God. I want to talk to him more and walk with him in the cool of the day. I want to fill my thoughts and my soul with more and more of him.

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God wants the same thing with all of us. His forgiveness is perfect. He doesn’t want us to walk around, constantly carrying or wallowing in our shame. He wants us to walk in redemption and carry the message of redemption wherever we go. We have an awesome God!

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February 10, 2016 – Twenty-six years ago, the direction of my life changed. I saw a vision of myself standing before a group of people with the Bible in my hands. I knew so certainly then that God was calling me into ministry. All these years later, I feel so far from that vision. I don’t know what to do. Working for a church was frustrating, and yet did I really move to Montana to be a schoolteacher for the rest of my life? In a lot of ways, we have made very real, positive changes, but I still feel like I am missing God’s purpose somehow. I want to make a difference. I want to see people experience the amazing love of God. The status quo isn’t good enough anymore and I don’t want to lose heart. Lord, move us. I don’t know how to get from where we are to where we need to be, but I know you do. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

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Three months after this journal entry, God began the process of moving us to a new town where we ultimately connected with new friends and new opportunities to follow God’s direction. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine all God had in store. What we did, was pray for God’s provision of a job that involved ministry. He did the rest.

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Try something as you pray today. Surrender your life, your career, your future to him completely. Pray the words, “May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Then, be prepared to say, YES, to whatever God has in store for you.

July 29, 2012 – Prayer is still not an easy discipline for our family. We are way too distracted.

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Today, I am happy to say that much has changed since that short and simple little journal entry. This is one area of my walk with God where discipline was no help. I didn’t know why then, but no matter how much I tried, I just could not find it within me to be inspired or motivated to pray more. Don’t get me wrong, I prayed, but never consistently. It might be a few words spoken here or there, but no real, deep heart-level prayer.

Why? How could this be true of someone who has been involved in ministry since he was 16 years old? Two things—continual or habitual sin and spiritual warfare. One opens the door for the other. Never forget, Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and he will capitalize on any opportunity we give him. I don’t really want to dwell on that part of my story other than to say I was getting beat up pretty badly on a regular basis.

I finally reached the point where I was tired of living a defeated life. Prayer became the one thing I would cling to in desperation to prevent myself from falling into old habits. I started praying on the armor of God every morning. I began to pour out my heart to God. He helped me deal honestly with this person I had become. I was experiencing spiritual healing. I learned to listen to the Holy Spirit. I learned to fight for the life I wanted. I learned how to recognize and confront Satan’s forces in the moment and not let accusation and deception get the best of me. I invited Jesus into past experiences, and he brought peace and restoration to the depths of my soul.

Please make this a priority in your life today. It changes everything.

And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God’s perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus.
                       -1 Thessalonians 5:18 (TPT)

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Regrettably, I have to say that in my most difficult seasons of life, thankfulness was absent. What I discovered was that the lack of thankfulness compounds the misery of any situation. It makes a hard time harder, and a time of grief even more heartbreaking.

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March 18, 2012 – The last few months have been unbearably difficult at work. The negativity and hostility is difficult to understand. Everyone seems to have a complaint about something. People are becoming territorial and leadership is completely disconnected. I don’t believe I am having any kind of positive or Godly influence. Lord, I don’t want to simply avoid everyone or every situation, but rather, I want to shine like the stars and be a lamp on a hill whose light cannot be hidden.

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Unfortunately, instead of pressing through to shine like the stars, I found myself coming home angry and complaining just as much as those at work. It was totally exhausting, and I saw myself becoming someone I didn’t want to be.

That is why thankfulness is an incredible weapon in our lives. Thankfulness gives us the ability to distance ourselves from the emotions of the moment so we can find rest and hope in the goodness of God. If we stop and think of all that God has done, we can find joy underneath the gloom and doom of any situation. So, I encourage you to be prepared. Make a list today of things for which you are thankful. Then, put a neon sticky note on this page, so you can come back here whenever you need to be reminded of the awesomeness of God.

August 21, 2011 – Finally, today I am back on track with bible study. I am so sorry, Lord, for allowing changes to our regular routines to keep our family so distracted and occupied that we fail to make time for you. You deserve far more from me. I struggle because so often I allow myself to be separated from you. The good news is, this doesn’t have to continue.

How many times did I have this thought? I wanted to spend time with God every day, then inevitably, I would find myself looking back over several days and feel so defeated because once again I had failed. It was always great to get back on track, but still, Satan would constantly use this yo-yo effect in my walk with God to shame me. Combine that with some struggles with sin like pride, lust, and anger, and like the Israelites in the book of Judges, my life was trapped in a cycle that kept me from experiencing real growth and victory.

So, what made the difference? How did I ever break free of this cycle? First of all, I dealt with the spiritual influences that hid in the shadows and held my thought life captive. I learned how to fully submit to God and resist the devil. I admitted my need for healing and restoration, and I prayed once again to receive the Holy Spirit and give him full freedom to fill me and work in my life. Change didn’t all happen overnight, but I did have a degree of relief that flooded in immediately. Then, I was able to have the persistence to give God more than a few, rushed, moments each day. Some would say I disciplined myself, but honestly, that’s not at all what it was. Having dealt with the sources of my distraction and defeat, I could then experience a greater depth of God’s love and forgiveness. Now, missing my time with God every day isn’t an option. I need it, and I truly love it. You will, too.

July 26, 2011 – Lord, I want to have the faith to simply pray and trust. This is so hard. Growing up I heard stories of missionaries who experienced amazing things as you protected and provided for them. Why do I question that you could do this in my life? I don’t even know what to think. My thoughts are confused, and it weakens my resolve. Lord, help me!

Some prayers are cries of the heart because we are desperate to see God’s hand at work, to know that he sees us, and that what is going on matters to him. I love the way David said, “My eyes strain to see your rescue,” because it gives me hope that a man after God’s own heart felt the same as I often do.

In that moment, David asked for grace, a deeper understanding of God, and discernment. Discernment? I believe it is discernment that makes all the difference in times like these. God never stops working and moving in our lives. What becomes distorted is our ability to see him clearly. This can result from allowing ourselves to focus on our circumstances, taking our eyes off of God, or because our vision has become veiled by the things of this world.

Being careful about what we allow into our lives has taken a beating in recent years because people are super-cautious about becoming legalistic. I totally agree. However, holiness isn’t meant to be lorded over others, but rather to enable us to see clearly our lives, the world around us, and God’s hand at work in it.

April 2009 – Today, very significantly, I feel a burden to pray against the spiritual strongholds of Satan in the Northwest. I feel considerable opposition to us, specifically pertaining to getting a job and planting our lives in Montana. I find myself at the end of the day completely exhausted and facing down all of the distractions that seek to prevent me from spending the time with God that I so desperately need. So begins the battle. I am determined to fight. I will have better days than this and I will not give up.

Early on in my walk with God, I experienced just enough success in ministry to keep me satisfied. I had the outward appearance of a man “on fire” for God, but my heart was mostly self-absorbed.

Fast-forward to feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit to abandon all the comforts of the life we knew to live on mission with God. One thing quickly became very clear, if we were going to do this, we were going to have to fight for it every step of the way.

The same is true for you. You can live in relative obscurity in the eyes of Satan as long as you don’t make any waves. Choose to truly pursue the life God has for you, and you better hold on tight, because the fight will be on!

Rest assured, Jesus has already won this fight. Through his death and resurrection, Jesus has not only provided the victory, but has also given you the authority you need as a co-heir and son with him of God’s Kingdom to take your stand against the devil and all his spiritual powers and authorities of darkness.

March 25, 2009 - Well, Tammie and I are making plans to move to Montana and teach. What is God’s mission for us? We don’t really know what the specifics of this might be. All we know is that we feel that God wants us to transplant our family to Montana. Who knows what kind of ministry this will open up for us? No matter what, we are committed to follow God on this incredible adventure.

Experience is a great teacher as we look backward over choices we’ve made and the battle scars we’ve earned along the way.

Adventure is unpredictable because you are looking forward as you stand on the edge of taking your first step.

The thing is, you can’t really gain experience unless you are willing to surrender your life to the adventure. Trust me, as much as you’d like to control everything and know the outcome before you take that step, it’s the adventure that keeps us growing.

Of all the ways God could have chosen to relate to us, he invites us into an adventure with him—a relationship with him—to walk with him and depend on him for our “daily” bread. Look at how Jesus lived out this adventure, inviting the disciples to join him along the way. He’s still doing the very same thing with us now.

As you pray about the future, your career, family, where you will live, etc., I want to encourage you with this: Don’t seek a destination, but rather seek a direction. Then, pursue it with all your heart.

February 16, 2009 - This morning God woke me up at 4:30am. I really wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t, so I got up, got my Bible, made coffee, and sat down to read. How did I know that today was the day that God was going to break me of the bitterness that has plagued me for over nine years? God took me back to a place where I have allowed hurt to turn my life down a path I never intended to follow. He showed me how I took something personally, that wasn’t really about me at all. Today, God allowed me to see from HIS perspective and, like Paul, it was almost as if scales fell from my eyes. I feel relief washing over me and this terrible burden I have been carrying of unforgiveness is gone. I am ready now to move forward and I have a genuine excitement for what lies ahead.

When I think of poison, I often see images in my mind of Nazi spies biting down on hidden cyanide capsules. Thank goodness that’s not the way bitterness works in our lives, but its slow and steady takeover of our thoughts and attitudes can be just as deadly. We have to remember that Satan’s plan is to isolate us. He knows that relationships – friends, family, and community – provide the best defensive shield we have against his personal attacks. Bitterness sneaks in so easily, and before we know it, we no longer see or think clearly.

Ask God to reveal where you have allowed bitterness to enter in and let him walk you through the healing process. It’s necessary, and it’s worth it!

January 4, 2009 – I fear that no matter what I do, I will never find peace and happiness. I love my family so very much. If nothing else good ever comes my way, my life is blessed far beyond what I deserve because of my three wonderful sons. I so much want for them to be men of faith, honor, courage, integrity, and love.

It is really easy to become discouraged when we look to find fulfilment this side of heaven. For much of my life, I tried in vain to live up to everyone’s expectations of me. I wanted to be recognized by others for my hard work and my commitment to God. The problem though was, inside I was being torn apart. I knew how my thoughts strayed. I knew how often I lost my temper or gave in to resentment or hopelessness. No matter what success I experienced, another failure was just around the corner. The constant pendulum swings from highs to lows was exhausting and depressing.

My sights were set on this world.

At that time, I wasn’t spending any quality time in God’s word. When I finally did, restoration, healing, and hope flooded in through the writings of Paul. For the first time since I was a teenager, I lifted my eyes up and looked to the heavens. It made all the difference for me, and it will make all the difference for you.

Back in 2008, I wrote these words:
At this point I want a new start. I know my heart aches for more than what I am experiencing in my walk with Christ. It’s all my fault. My sin haunts me and keeps me spiritually crippled. I want to escape. I am foolish and impulsive, quick to act and slow to pray. God help me and forgive me.

We are living in a world at war. Satan wants you to believe that you are forever stuck in the grip of sin. It is just part of what it means to be human. While our sin nature and flesh do fight to control us, the good news is that we have been delivered by Jesus from sin’s control. The work of Christ on the cross has completely overcome sin’s power over us. We have become a new creation. Through the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we can resist sin and experience true freedom. It is a battle, but one we can win daily as we break the hold that even the most persistent of our unwanted habits attempts to maintain.

Believe this truth. Your old life has been crucified. It has passed away and its power has vanished forever. You have been set free so that all things can become new. New habits replace old ones. Through the help of the Holy Spirit you have the power to say “No!” to the old and live the new life you were made to live.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up! Start fresh again today and every day. God’s grace and mercy are never ending.